During times of severe stress, your mind and body often focus on the reaction in combat or flight mode. Because of how you feel the pressure, you reach a point where you are determined to change yourself to fit your circumstances. Even after that, when you see no change in the behavior of others or the situation, you decide that the only remaining option is to get out of the situation and start all over again.
It sounds like an effective step, and in many cases it is the one that works. However, your life may not always be the case and the opportunity for you to permanently remove yourself from an unpleasant situation. When this happens, how can you turn to the monologue of your mind, who decided that everything was tested, and the only possibility left is to refuse?
Wouldn't it be better to develop an alternative story, where are you kinder to yourself? Here are some ways to actively change your mind about yourself and others:
1. Use an external language – the problem that you encounter is not who you are, it is not separate from your self-esteem and abilities, it does not define you. This is what happens to you and affects you. “When this happens to me, I get (…)”, “It doesn’t happen often, but at certain times it decides (…)”, “This is“ This is very disturbing and alarming ”- here are some examples of externalization language.
2. Considering social and political issues – Is this a question that many others face? Look at what factors of our time and age allow this problem to have power over many people.
3. Unique results – Were there times before in your life when there was another problem with similar qualities or similar stressors? If so, how did you handle it? Were there any previous cases where you dealt with the old problem better than the current one? Look at what you were doing then that could help you now. This will help you understand that you probably already have the resources to solve this problem.
4. Find a support system. It is important to have friends who are familiar with how you rewrite your story and change your story. Sharing your strengths that helped you deal with old problems earlier can lead to times when your friends can remind you of these resources in difficult times. Sharing your new approach to discussing this problem with them also matters because it decides how others will talk to you about it, how you will talk about it in the future, how they will offer their suggestions and learn about your well-being.
5. Expressive arts (such as painting and dancing) and journaling are actions that continue to help solve a problem. Thus, the consequences of the problem do not penetrate your personality as something that you constantly think about. The energy invested in these actions is a way to creatively direct your thoughts in order to give yourself the freedom and peace of mind you need to see things objectively and at a much needed distance.
These actions can help you stop seeing yourself the main reason that leads to disaster. By doing this, you are more likely to find hope and motivation to improve those parts of your life that you think are most exposed to the problems you face.